Beyond The Toilet: Understanding Childrens Emotional Needs

Charmaine Champ Author

Toilet learning is often seen as a simple milestone. But for many children it is deeply emotional. Within this blog post I explore more.

Toileting is often described as a practical milestone. A skill to achieve or, a task to complete. But, for many children, toileting is far more than this.

Toileting is about:

• Asking a child to listen to their body.
• To notice sensations.
• To pause what they are doing.
• To move somewhere else.
• To sit in a position that can feel exposing.
• To release something from their body.

And to trust, that the space and the people around them will hold this experience safely.

That is a lot for children to process!

If a child does not feel safe enough, understood enough, or regulated enough, their body will protect them in the only ways it knows how. A child may, hold on to wees and poos, avoid the toilet,  or refuse. 

This is not stubbornness. It is not behaviour. It is protection!

So, when I talk about emotional support, I am also talking about toileting. Because bodies release when they feel safe. Muscles soften when there is trust. Signals are easier to hear for children, when there is less pressure. And, a child can let go of wees and poos, when they are not holding everything else tightly inside.

Emotional toilet support can look like:

• slowing the pace so the body does not feel rushed
• reducing expectation so the nervous system can settle
• creating environments that feel private, predictable, and safe
• noticing sensory experiences 
• acknowledging feelings about poo, wee, wiping, and toilets
• staying close and emotionally available
• replacing urgency with gentle curiosity
• protecting dignity at every step

Toilet learning is not simply about getting a poo or wee into the toilet. It is about helping a child feel safe enough in their body to release. And that always begins with deep understanding.

This is the heart of Clear Steps Consultancy's: Holistic PEE and Poo Approach. Our approach looks beyond the surface, beyond the behaviour being seen with children at home, nursery or school, truly listening to the body and providing opportunities and environments where a child can listen to their body, and helping children, their families, schools and professionals in finding a way forward that feels safe, respectful, and possible. "Understanding childrens emotional needs" is what I do as a Continence Sleep and Understanding Emotions Consultant, at Clear Steps Consultancy for over thirty years.  

Categories: : Autism, autism and toileting, brain understanding, connection, emotional regulation, emotions, felt safety, how to help, nervous system, parent support, Sensory needs and toileting, toilet safety, toileting challenges, Understanding body