Understanding Changes Everything

Charmaine Champ Author

A heartfelt reflection on a child's toileting journey, showing how body awareness, safety and understanding create real lasting progress

"A super science nerd!"

Recently I was called a "super science nerd!" by a 9 year old autistic boy I support. And honestly? I take this comment with pride!

This is a child who has lived with poo accidents for years. While he was at school, his family were being called several times a day to go into school and help clean him, after an accident took place. On some occasions this would take place more than four times a day. Over time, the worry, the disruption and the distress grew so heavy that he could not attend school any more.

Behind stories like this, there is always more than meets the eye. There is a child doing their best. There is a family carrying exhaustion, worry and often a sense of helplessness, from trying everything they can think of to help their child. And there is the school, trying to juggle support with the needs of the whole class.

There is always the body....trying to communicate, something.

Following a comprehensive assessment, we were able to start answering the most important question: "why". Why were the accidents happening? And just as importantly, what did his body need in order to feel safer and more supported?

When I shared this information with the child and his family, I didn't start with instructions or targets. I started with pictures. With simple drawings, and props. All being used as a way of making the "inside" body feel understandable rather than frightening or confusing. 

That's when something amazing happened...

The child picked up a pen and paper and drew himself and his "inside" body. And, then started drawing all the things he wanted to do to help his body feel better.

In that moment, I was reminded why understanding matters so much. Not because it fixes everything overnight. Or because it makes challenges disappear. But, because it shifts a child from "something is wrong and I don't know why" to "I understand my body, and I can start to help it".

This is the heart of my Holistic PEE and Poo Approach. Toileting isn't just a behaviour to train. Its a body experience to understand and its shaped by the nervous system, sensory processing, interoception, gut health, emotions and above all, whether a child feels safe in their own body.

When we stop asking children to cope and start helping their bodies to feel safe.....real learning can begin.

For families, this often brings something just as important as progress, relief. A sense that they're no longer guessing and a feeling that they're no longer alone in trying to piece things together.

If your child is struggling with poo accidents, toileting or body awareness, please know this, you are not failing as a family or school, your child is not being difficult and there is always a reason behind what you're seeing.

This is where Clear Steps Consultancy's` Holistic PEE & Poo Approach can help. You're welcome to reach out and join our How to get the PEE and Poo in the loo online support group or receive one to one support just like the family discussed here, to gently work out the next steps to progress together.

Because......understanding changes everything and support changes the journey.

makes a meaningful difference.

Click here to for further information and support: Clear Steps Consultancy Website 

Categories: : ADHD, brain understanding, children, Clear Steps, Continence, familiar routines, feeling, Feeling signals, nervous system, Neurodivergent, overwhelm, parent support, safety, sensory overload, sitting on the toilet, support, Toileting, Training vs Learning, uncertainty, Understanding body