Toilet Training vs Toilet Learning

Charmaine Champ Author

Within this blog we share the real difference and how shifting our language and approach can transform progress for children at home and school.

Toilet Training vs Toilet Learning: Is it just a play on words, or the key to helping neurodivergent children progress with toileting?

In the media, online groups and in everyday conversations with nurseries, schools and families, the phase "toilet training" is everywhere! There's a huge push for all children to be "trained" before school, but, when this doesn't happen within the before school expected timeframes, the focus quickly changes to:

"Why aren't they getting it?"

"What do we need to do to make them comply?"

Here's the truth.....many families quietly live with:

A toilet training approach often fails to support the very children who need the most understanding, especially our neurodivergent children.

Toileting isn't simply a behaviour to train....its a whole body learning process.

When we shift our mindset from training to learning....everything changes!

Why "Training" Doesn't Work For Many Children?

Toilet training assumes:

• Children will automatically recognise the urge to wee or poo
• They will know what that feeling means
• The can stop what they are doing and act on it
• The can follow multi step instructions
• They can coordinate their body to sit, relax, release, wipe, flush, wash and re dress
• They can manage sensory demands in bathrooms, where ever they are
• They can cope with unpredictable noises, smells and sensations

For many neurodivergent children, diagnosed and undiagnosed, these assumptions don't match their lived experiences.

A training approach doesn't ask:

• Does my child actually feel and recognise their body signals?
• Is the bathroom environment safe for them?
• Can their nervous system regulate this moment?
• Do they understand what their body needs?
• Do they feel secure sitting on the toilet?
• Do they have the motor skills and proprioception to wipe, balance and coordinate?

And more?

Training focuses on outcomes: dry pants, using the toilet, ticking a milestone.

Whereas, Learning focuses on the individual child.

Why "Learning" Creates Real Lasting Toileting Progress? 

Toilet learning recognises that toileting is a gradual developmental skill, not a race or a behaviour checklist or readiness list.

Learning asks:

• What does my child's body awareness look like right now?
• Do they recognise internal cues (interoception) when their bladder or bowel is filling?
• Do they feel safe and regulated in the bathroom area?
• Do they have the skills needed for each small step?
• How can we support their nervous system, not overwhelm it?

And more

Learning allows us to see the whole picture.

Children do not learn toileting through pressure. They learn through understanding, consistency, safety and step by step support

Toilet learning means progress at the child's pace, not someone else's timeline. 

So....Is It Just A Play On Words?

Absolutely not! The language we use reflects the approach we take. For example:

• Training focuses on behaviour
• Learning focuses on development
• Training expects compliance
• Learning supports understanding
• Training demands outcomes
• Learning builds lifelong skills

For our neurodivergent children, this difference can be the key to success. 

Toileting isn't a race to the finish line, and it isn't something we can force through routines, reminders or rewards. Real progress comes when we take the time to understand a child's body, their sensory world, their emotions, their safety in their environment. When we shift from training to learning, we honour the child, not the timetable.

This is where Clear Steps Consultancy's` Holistic PEE & Poo Approach makes a meaningful difference.

It helps neurodivergent and neurotypical children, their families, schools and professionals to look deeper at what's really happening underneath toileting challenges, so children can build true body awareness, confidence and real toileting learning.

If your ready to move from training to learning, our Inclusive Toileting Support: Step by step guide, is for you as it introduces the Holistic PEE and Poo Approach and shares practical, gentle tools and resources that are school friendly, helping families and schools start with small meaningful steps that build body awareness, confidence and real progress.

Download your guide now and help your child progress with toileting learning: Inclusive Toileting Support: Step by step guide

Categories: : children, Clear Steps, Continence, feeling, Feeling signals, Neurodivergent, parent support, safety, sitting on the toilet, support, Toileting, Training vs Learning, Understanding body