Toileting Away From Home: Why it can be so hard for Neurodivergent children

Charmaine Champ Author

Within this blog we explore the shift in understanding needed to help neurodivergent children use the toilet away from home

Its not about the toilet: Its about uncertainty!

For many neurodivergent children, using the toilet outside of their family home can feel overwhelming, distressing or simply impossible.

Parenting and professionals often share, that their children:

• Refuse to sit on unfamiliar toilets
• Will only use the toilet at home
• Hold on to wees and poos all day at school or when out and about
• Become distressed, dysregulated or shut down around toilets

This is frequently viewed as stubbornness, anxiety or sensory sensitivity caused by too much noise, smells or bright lights.

Sensory overload in toileting environments, isn't really about being "too much". Its about the situation, the activity, the environment being too uncertain, for too long.

The Brains Job: Making Sense of the World

The brain is constantly trying to answer a simple question: What is happening right now, am I safe?

To answer this question, the brain combines information from multiple systems at once: sound, vision, touch, movement and balance, smell, internal body signals (including the need to wee or poo)

When these signals line up and feel predictable, the brain relaxes. When they don't, the brain works needs to work a lot harder. 

Using the toilet away from home is full of signals that don't line up, for the brain. 

Why Toilets Outside the Home Are So Demanding

A toilet at home is familiar, predictable and safe. A toilet outside of the home is often anything but this! The seat may feel different. The flush may be loud, delayed or unpredictable. The room may echo. Lights may flicker or buzz. Smells can appear without warning. Footsteps and voices may suddenly pass the door. At the same time, a child's body is being asked to do something very vulnerable: relax and let go of poos and wees.

From a nervous system science perspective, the brain works harder when information is unclear, and it eases when things are easier to interpret. In unfamiliar toilets, clarity is low and effort is high.

A single unfamiliar sensation might be manageable. Several unfamiliar sensations happening together, can lead to uncertainty skyrocketing. 

What looks like refusal is often relentless problem solving

From the outside, it can look like: Avoidance, Refusal or a child is "Being difficult"

From the inside the child's brain is constantly checking:

• Is this toilet the same as the one at home?
• Will the flush be loud?
• Can my body relax here?
• What if someone comes in?
• Is it safe to let go of wees and poos here?

This constant monitoring takes energy. 

For our Autistic children, and ADHD children, the brain doesn't always filter or fade this information quickly. The effort builds and builds, leading to holding on, distress, shutdown or complete avoidance of toileting outside of the family home.

This is why we support children inside and outside of their body.

Why "Just Try" Doesn't Work

This is why approaches such as:

• Its just a toilet
• They'll get used to it
• Ignore it and push through

Often all backfire! Because, they add more uncertainty, not less. This is also why, simply trying to make toilets quieter or cleaner, doesn't fully solve the problem. Sensory overload isn't just about reducing stimulation, its about reducing ambiguity.

What Helps Neurodivergent Children Succeed

Progress happens, when we focus on the whole child and help make toileting environments:

• Predictable
• Understandable
• Consistent

When the brain can quickly work out what's happening and what matters, it no longer needs to stay in a high alert mode. 

This is where Clear Steps Consultancy's` Holistic PEE & Poo Approach makes a meaningful difference.

It helps neurodivergent children, their families, schools and professionals to look deeper at what's really happening underneath toileting challenges, both inside and outside of the body, supporting the brain, answering the questions and providing the certainty needed for toileting progress. 

Toileting difficulties away from the family home are not about laziness, defiance or failure. They are about a nervous system doing its best in an environment that feels confusing, unpredictable and unsafe.

When we shift our understanding, about this this, we also shift our support and see that sensory overload in toileting isn't about being too much. Its about being too uncertain, for too long.

When we reduce uncertainty, we create the conditions for toileting progress. 

If your ready to reduce uncertainty for your child, our Inclusive Toileting Support: Step by step guide, is for you as it introduces the Holistic PEE and Poo Approach and shares practical, gentle tools and resources promoting predictability and certainty. 

Download your guide now and help your child progress with toileting in a predictable way: Inclusive Toileting Support: Step by step guide

Categories: : ADHD, children, Clear Steps, Continence, feeling, Feeling signals, Neurodivergent, parent support, safety, sitting on the toilet, support, Toileting, Training vs Learning, Understanding body, sensory overload, uncertainty, nervous system, brain understanding, overwhelm, familiar routines